The Postgraduate Writers Conference at VCFA (2009 Edition)

After all the inspiration that overwhelmed me, along with some bad stomachaches, from the Pan African Literary Forum last year I decided I needed to be active and continue on with another writing conference this summer. However, I decided to stay stateside.

I narrowed it down to two conferences, both of which I heard about via Poets & Writers magazine. P&W started to dedicate a section of their magazine's bi-monthly space to conferences and residencies, and the Postgraduate Writers Conference in Montpelier was one of those mentioned. I had never been farther north or east of the US, only to some parts of Ontario in Canada. And hearing that Vermont is lovely I figured it wouldn't hurt since the travel to the nation's smallest capital would be cheap, plus it wouldn't cost me as much as it would to go across the world.

One of the things that solidified my decision to attend this conference was the consistent and friendly communication from the program's director, Ellen Lesser. When I emailed people at the other conference I was interested in I got various delays in response. And when it came down to the wire for me to make my decision and know my status I didn't get an answer for a week or so and then having found out I didn't get my first (and only choice for an instructor) I was offered an opening in a genre class rather than the literary class I had requested. This subpar way of getting me to join the conference by the director to fill in some gaps irritated me because it was obvious that he didn't have any idea of what my work was about and how it wouldn't fit with the workshop he was trying to sell me on. I quickly contacted Ms. Lesser and said that I was hoping she still had an opening in her short story class. Within the day Ellen responded back and I hot-tailed it to the post office to buy stamps and send over my deposit.

The Postgraduate Writers Conference has several things going for it in my opinion:

1. Clientele: Target attendees are those with graduate degrees or in the process of getting a graduate degree. Hence they'll have familiarity with the workshop process.
2. Size: Workshop classes are no larger than 6 or so people. For a five day conference this means that people will be critiqued thoroughly and possibly have time left over for additional discussions in workshop classes. One of my classmates told me the Suwanee conference has 15 people in a workshop and at Pan African Lit Forum that number can range from as few as four to as many as ten.
3. Classes: The separation of classes from larger scale works and smaller works was a big draw. There were two workshops for novels, two for short stories, three for poetry manuscript, one for poetry, two for non-fiction, and two for YA. Not a lot of conferences split up fiction between novel and short story. Usually the two are lumped together. So knowing beforehand that someone's piece was short and being able to judge it on that made classes run smoother and more efficiently in my opinion since a larger work didn't have to be discussed (except in my and another classmates case in which we're doing linked short story collections). I do hope more conferences and perhaps even some graduate programs split the two up so people can focus more on the structure of a condense story and others on the evolvement of a larger work.
4. Location: The capital of Montpelier has a nice city in the downtown area that is only a ten minute walk down a hill from the Vermont College of Fine Arts campus. There are plenty of nice eateries in downtown Montpelier and the population there is extremely polite and helpful. Of course it's nice to have a car to go further out, but not necessary.
5. Staff: Full of reputable authors and poets there's definitely a strong roster of people who truly care about helping you develop your work and are adamant about one-on-one sessions with their students.
6. Full Schedule: This can be a good and/or bad thing. With the packed schedule for readings, lectures, workshops, additional classes, evening social events, hiking, etc. it can get pretty jam packed. What I appreciated most were the Participant readings where one could hear the work other people in other workshops were reading. This proved to be helpful in being more social when admiring someone's work a fruitful discussion on craft could commence. (Not all conferences do this for the participants and considering size it can be understandable.)
7. Cost: Compared to some conferences the cost for room, board, the conference itself, and food came in under $1200. Not including travel costs you're pretty much covered while there. And Montpelier isn't an overly pricey place either. Comparing food prices to those in NYC it's comparable or comes in less.

I think everyone has their worries when entering a workshop. Will people like my work? Will they get my work? Did they even pay attention? Will we get along over the course of the intense five days of workshops and such? And so on and so forth. Seeing that the population at the conference averaged fifty years of age it was good to find out that these people being older made them even more determined to finish their project and hone their craft. They took things seriously, which was a stark contrast to the younger generation I dealt with during my MFA program where many didn't get 70s references or deeper meaning and couldn't (or wouldn't) read between the lines. This time around I met two PhD candidates, a mom and lawyer, an entertainment professional, and a retired English high school teacher in my class who (to my surprise and amazement) read through my two stories thoroughly, providing detailed feedback and concrete advice that helped me immensely. After a while I considered my comments trite after hearing the deep readings done for my works. And our instructor Ellen Lesser proved to be the Braniac of everything! She delved so deep into our works at one point each one of us was left scratching our heads, considering her comments, while in the same breath pointing out that Ellen is a "genius."

For the first two evenings I was a bit of a hermit working on some writing I neglected for the past two months and focused on that. At the halfway point I got more involved in events and got to know my workshop mates a bit more. At different junctures in our life we all had a lot in common nonetheless. Good sense of humor, an enjoyment for letting loose through alcohol, the love of the craft and wanting to make it and ourselves better at it, love of food, and a general concensus that this conference was a really good thing for us.

In lectures I met one of the sweetest women, Sue William Silverman--A non-fiction author who got through and wrote about incest and being a sex addict. She has an affinity for pink and the brightest smile you'll ever see. Her lecture was amazing and in the end bringing up two voices (voice of innoncence and experience) as a tool for non-fiction authors to express themselves was a valuable tool for me writing a character with reminiscent narration. I also attented a lecture about the difference between YA and Adult fiction to hear author An Na break it down to voice. She believed that the voice being present in the action and that of an adult looking back and analyzing these events is the main (and not necessarily sole) difference between the two genres using The Lover and The Chosen as examples. An Na also notes that many of these can cross over to one another, but that authors need to know the difference and not just assume YA literature is "dummed down" literature for the audience. So much of it is rich and intense as is adult fiction so it's not good to assume that your audience isn't as advanced as you'd think.

I met and admired the YA classes reading from their books, the non-fiction writers delving into their lives, the poets reflecting on everything around them, and the fiction writers composing an interesting story and reading it emphatically. And I never hesitated to tell someone when I liked their work. It initiated lots of great conversation from my perspective as a person writing for a more adult audience and engaging in some deep conversation with the YA group and how hard it's been for them to create the worlds they illustrated behind the podium and on the page. I met retired women focusing on writing about subject matter important to them or exorcising their demons. I met young mothers trying to carve a certain amount of intrigue in their story to entice readers. I met men writing about talking dogs and people writing about being raised by hippie, poet parents. And I learned I needed to work on structure and not so much on voice.

I met the most amazing, generous people in a span of five days and am going through some heavy duty withdrawal I must say. I missed my bed and not having to walk down a moth-riddled hallway to the bathroom in the middle of the night (that's dorm life in the country for you). Yet, I didn't miss television. I didn't miss the day-to-day monotony of work and rush hour.

Now, I miss being embroiled in talking about writing on a regular basis. I miss hearing new work that excites me from people all over the country. I miss waking up at 7am and being served pancakes with Vermont's own maple syrup. I miss our daily workshops and readings. And I miss the bright sun beating down on the Vermont College of Fine Arts campus and slowly setting as I sit in front of my computer to plunk down my latest thoughts for my collection in MS Word.

I received a hilarious e-mail from workshop mates these past couple of days referencing things only we'd get and also crying out for the daily intake of cookies we got at lunch & dinner everyday. I'd strongly suggest going to the Postgraduate Conference in Montpelier if not for yourself then for the community because I assure you, you'll be invigorated to keep pushing yourself to get your story out there. If it's important to you it'll be important to them.

Could you be the next Food Network Star?

For the past two seasons my husband and I have been addicted to the reality show The Next Food Network Star airing, of course, on Food Network.

Now in its fifth season The Next Food Network Star has produced new Food Network shows, some memorable personalities, and many non-memorable ones.

While watching a cooking show or a food travel show, like Road Tasted with...[insert Food Network personality here], I figured it couldn't be that that hard to host a show on the network that's steadily grown and whose only focus is something we all have in common...food. I could be bubbly, humorous, quirky, extroverted, and any other adjective synonymous with out-going and likable. I could eat dish upon dish of food and explain how good it tastes. I could give people tips for how to eat on a budget. Forty dollars a day! That's easy! Having spent no more than $10 a day on food most days, I placed my fingers in a pyramid of evil and seethed that Rachel Ray could eat-my-dust.

I think many people look at or read or hear something and think to themselves: I could do better than that! Without the complete understanding of how much work and know-how (in most cases) goes into any art form. No, one doesn't have to go to the Culinary Institute to know how to make succulent chicken or moist cakes (look at FN stars Rachel Ray, Sandra Lee, Ina Garten, Paula Deen, or newest member of the FN family Aaron McCargo Jr.). Of course it doesn't hurt (see Bobby Flay, Cat Cora, or Giada DeLaurentiis). But one does need something, a certain je ne sais quoi to make the art of cooking interesting and enjoyable for those of us watching. For the host it may be work, but for the viewer it has to be entertainment and being informative couldn't hurt either.

For those of you who aren't Foodies or interested in cooking shows a la Food Network, lemme give you a quick breakdown. Various types of people and foods are represented on Food Network. They have the Southern Belle single mom who's down home comfort food has made her a staple (Paula Deen). There's the decadent woman that came into her own with natural, classic flavors and style (Ina Garten aka The Barefoot Contessa). They have a young woman with culinary expertise and close ties to her Italian heritage and family (my personal favorite personality, Giada DeLaurentiis). The city boy with a flair for keeping it real and spicy with a background of being a bit of a hard-ass (Bobby Flay). Who can't resist the knowledgeable & scientific nerd who can break down the hows and whys of food preparation (Alton Brown)? There's the blonde, overly cheerful and perhaps organizationally compulsive lady that has a place for everything and everything in its place, while helping you customize meals in a semi-homemade fashion (Sandra Lee). FN even has a place for the quirky cook who wants to make dishes quick and easy for those of us in a hurry (my least favorite personality, Rachel Ray). As time has gone on Food Network has branched out to include more ethnic differentiation from Ingrid Hoffman's Latin flair, The Neely's down-home grit, Sunny Anderson's sweet demeanor, and fourth season Food Network Star winner Aaron MacCargo Jr's "Big Daddy" mentality with big flavors.

My husband and I have tried recipes from numerous people from Food Network and various recipes from the site. We've had hits (Giada's Simple Bolognese, Sandra Lee's Cafeteria-style Mac & Cheese, the Neely's Get Yo' Man Chicken) and misses (Rachel Ray's Sesame Seed Chicken Fingers, Rachel Ray's 30-minute Coq Au Vin). We've broadened our horizons to try new dishes, work overnight to impress family & friends, and conquer simple recipes for desserts, sides, and entrees. A couple of times I've found myself pretending to talk to a camera as I folded my batter or melted my butter or marinated my chicken.

"I could definitely host my own show," I've thought to myself time and time again when a dish came out the way I anticipated.

However, watching Food Network Star it was made evidently clear that I'd probably buckle under pressure; freak out; throw stuff around the kitchen leaving a olive oil trail behind me; or vomit consistently before having to go before a TV, panel, or audience as I attempted to BS through cooking and presenting myself as a culinary expert. As we got into the fourth season of Food Network Star our egotistical thoughts were quickly shutdown at seeing people--who like us probably thought getting a show on FN would be a walk in the park--get their culinary butts kicked week after week.

Explaining a dish in 30 seconds upon tasting it? Not as easy as you may think. Words like "delicious" and "tasty" need to be removed from your lexicon. Moist, spicy, sweet yet not too sweet, bitter; these are the specific types of words that explain how food tastes to the viewer. "A hint of lemon makes all the other flavors pop out." "The musky smell from liquid smoke makes this taste like a hickory dream." Vivid. "Delicious, creamy ice cream." Not so much.

In the past two seasons of Food Network Star I have seen grown men and women cry on a regular basis. I've seen grown ups and young people alike get chewed out by Bobby Flay and Co. A comedian lost all humor as she attempted to back up her dish. And most recently a man lied under pressure so he could last at least another week, thereby throwing his partner under the bus. Of course these are amateurs! And the reality set in that I am one as well.

On Iron Chef I've never seen Chefs Flay, Morimoto, Cora, Batali, or Symon buckle under pressure. I've never seen them throw a towel at their competitor and say "F*** this!" whether the secret ingredient was apples or catfish. They went to work and a majority of the time are successful in completing the task presented to them. Even after losing the Iron Chefs are graceful and kind knowing they put their all into the five dishes they had to prepare & plate in 60 minutes or less. Now that's pressure. And if I couldn't make a signature burger or present kid-friendly veggies to a bunch of eight year olds how in the hell could I think I'd ever be able to deal with the big dogs on FN?

Food Network Star, you'd think, would be a reality check to the posers like myself who'd like to think as long as you can cook, think on your feet, and talk it'll all be gravy. We see the strongest competitors get put in their place when they're told they have to serve a dinner party of 12 on a $60 budget or that they have to make a grown up version of chicken fingers, while making a kid-friendly version of brusselsprouts or to think of and create a dish within 30 minutes. And don't get me started on the Dinner Imposible missions they have some of these people going through with tiny ovens/kitchens, limited ingredients, etc. Last season a contestant broke a glass of juice over a grill plate with food on it, duck confit no less, which ultimately became trash leading to her ouster. Oh it gets hard core, my friends. The FN Gods want to rock you to your core to make sure you-can-handle-it. And once a year only one person is deemed able to.

However, it seems if you have personality enough you may end up with a show anyway. Perhaps you'll be like last year's runner-up Adam Gertler and get a show where you're sent around the country to do odd jobs that are food-related at their own discretion because you were pretty peppy--and at times funny. Maybe you'll luck out like season three semi-finalist Nathan Lyons with his own show on FitTV. Or season 4's finalist Kelsey with a show on upstart Food2. Just because you didn't win the title, doesn't mean you're out for the count. And this is true for many reality shows like the most recent Bachelor where said bachelor picked the semi-finalist to marry instead of the "winner" or the runners-up on America's Next Top Model (one of two I've seen model at Bryant Park in Project Runway). And look at American Idol. At least half of the top ten finalists get their own record deal once the show ends for the season. You may grow with the competition leading you to better understand yourself as a potential food host. Or you can fade away and go back to the life you had beforehand.

The cards aren't always aligned to help you live your dream. And if you aren't overly interesting then you may want to kiss the chances of having your own cooking show good-bye, right quick. However, I'd like to think I'm an optimist and say that as long as you work hard at it your dreams may come true at some point. Of course, I've come to realize that I'll need a lot of preparation before I can host my own show. Needless to say, I'm not going to be quitting my day job anytime soon.

My Annual Travel: Ghana (3 of 3)

I know this last post is long overdue, and I apologize. I've called this series my annual travel because I do want to make it a yearly habit to go abroad. And I do mean abroad and not just to another borough or to the West Coast. Granted, America is different all over, but actually being outside the continent makes me feel like I'm closer to the outside world and not just simmering in my native NYC juices for the most part. I believe as artists (writers, photographers, painters, musicians, etc.) that we expand our art by learning about the outside world as well as reflecting what we've learned from our daily surroundings.

The yearn for traveling has taken me to Dublin, Ireland for 28 days where I was boarding with girls younger and older than me. And surprise, surprise I found that the women around my age or older (except for one) were the only people I could tolerate on a mental level. I still keep in touch with two of these lovely ladies from their new locations of Seattle and Boston. (Hope to see you soon Aexis & Colleen!) When I was in Dublin the Americans still had sympathy from 9/11 and pre-Iraq War. It'd be cool to return to Dublin to see what they think of us now that we've elected Barack Obama as our 44th president.

I've been to Canada twice, both times in Ontario, and found that in Toronto I had a feeling of blending in & belonging. While in Kingston racism was a bit more prevalent. My guide/friend at the time seemed to realize it more than I did, but it was weird to be up North where they consider themselves so much more advanced then us and to be in a small city where I got stares because of the color of my skin, I mean I haven't experienced that in any of my travels in the U.S., yet.

I spent a few days in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico for a friends wedding and didn't get to experience Mexican culture too much because the area I was in was saturated with American corporations like Wal-mart, Pizza Hut, Dominoes, and I'm pretty sure I may have seen an Applebee's also. I did go ziplining on my last day through the forests of the city and after rapid sweats and one or two freak out sessions enjoyed my time thoroughly. I even buddied up with two older sisters that were probably in their 50s or so but had the vitality of someone thirty years younger. And what was awesome is that they made it a point to travel together every year.

This year's trip was one I have longed for to visit England, Hereford specifically. I was considering doing a travel abroad in England rather than Ireland than all this Mad Cow stuff happened and well, that was that. I'll want to hit up London at some point, but for research purposes of my novel I need to absorb myself in Hereford for at least three or four days. My hubby seems to really want to come with me which should be good. I hope he doesn't mind me dragging him across the Wye River and going on Cider tours.

My first opportunity to go to Africa was on the CCNY Study Abroad to Morocco. However, once I heard that I wouldn't get to shower on a daily basis the trip was null & void in my mind. Sorry, but there are some things I just can't negotiate. Even the opportunity to dump a bucket of water over me would've sufficed at the time.

But that was then and this is now.

PALF PEEPS Whenever one sets out to travel on their own various images come to mind. For one, what type of people are you going to meet? And two, if there's a language barrier, how will I ask where the bathroom is? For me, the arrival at the airport for my plan ride to Ghana reminded me of my trip to Dublin. I'd basically be cohabitating (kind of) with people I'd never met before of various personalities. And this worried me greatly. In Dublin we were all getting our BAs and were of different mindsets. For the first two days everyone was nice to one another and after that BAM came the divide. Of course living with eight other women tends to mean cattiness may be improbable.

So when we were all cordial (males & females all in our twenties or older) it was pleasant. I was optimistic about the people I'd get to meet. And you know what happened? They didn't disappoint whatsoever. Perhaps it was because it was an older group, and we're all artists just trying to make our way in life and better ourselves and our work that was the bonding theme throughout the conference. I mean having all these other factors that tend to make our daily lives inhabitable and just being together in the Motherland to appreciate this experience made for no ill will amongst those that I hung around. Of course I didn't get to know everyone over the course of a week and that saddens me a bit because I'm sure I missed out on some really cool personalities. I also didn't get to know some people I liked as well as I could've of (thanks traveler's diarrhea) but there was such an overflow of positivity that I felt good the whole time. Not once did I feel a need to bake anyone cookies to try and get with the in-crowd. Not that I could've baked but I could've bought some people digestive cookies.

To date I've been able to keep in contact or be "friended" with people on Facebook. I've seen people's posts about events in NYC, updates on their writing and life, and just queries about life in general. Facebook and Twitter updates have allowed me to know when the flow-tastic Caitlin is performing in the area, see the latest video (Cosmic Headphones) from poet and lyricist extraordinaire Eagle Nebula, hear about the new addition to Paula's family as she balances motherhood and a non-fiction book, and congratulating Chelsea on finishing her novel after years of research, sweat, and tears.

I was able to see my friend Stewart last week at Book Expo which was very happy making. And just saw on Facebook that one of the PALF contest winners, Mildred, just had a book of poetry published in Africa. My instructor Binyavanga is finishing up his time at Bard and fellow workshopper Nana may be coming to NYC this summer. I also heard that Jodie (one of the Admins for PALF) will be headed to England to focus on her writing.

Seeing, reading, hearnig these updates is always great and validating to know that they're still maintaining their creativity. That we're all at different stages of our lives, are healthy and working towards something. Perhaps we don't know what yet, but we're still striving as artists to succeed, to publicize ourselves and our interests, and supporting one another whether it be a simple comment of encouragement on Facebook or paying the fee to see them shine in front of a microphone.

Next year PALF is supposed to be held in Mali. I'm wavering making that my go-to writing spot for the summer or applying to the Iowa Writer's Workshop summer program or someplace else. I'm wavering if I want to go through the vaccinations, medicine, and potential sickness that may inflict me during my time there or if I should stay stateside and see what feedback I can get here. Thinking back to Ghana and how people worried over my well-being, checked in on me when I was at my lowest point, made me laugh and holler at their work in enthusiasm, or just shared my sense of mind when it came to ploughing through that work that seems like the monkey on your back. I think back to the day I got to dance in the rain to live music after eating joloff rice and consider that the experience and people are worth it, hands down.

Extreme Eats: Everyting is bigger in the U.S.

The Travel Channel is going EXTREME today with a marathon of shows with the word 'Extreme' in the title. My husband and I caught Extreme Pigouts, which focused on restaurants that catered to the ridiculous in portion and idealogy yet making viewers mouths water nonetheless.

Reader(s) you know I am a self-pronounced foodie and that I enjoy the finer things in life. But deep-fried pizza? Fourteen thousand calories in a tub of Ben & Jerry's? A faux doctor, who used to be a nutritionist opening a burger joint with ridiculous portions? America is indeed the land of the free, but a place where obesity trends have increased heavily from 1985-2007. Internationally the US is the first (We're #1, We're #1) nation in regards to percentage of population that is obese. And watching a show like Extreme Pigouts today further explains how we got that way.

Healthier eating and a healthier life have become a wave that many cable channels, cooking shows, and QVC segments have focused on a lot more in the past decade or so. There's a channel devoted only to fitness (FitTV) as well as a handful more shows on healthy cooking, and a slew of reality shows focusing on weight loss (The Biggest Loser, Celebrity Fit Club, Bridal Bootcamp, etc.). There are many vegan cookbooks available catering to that culture and books on macrobiotic diets and so forth. We still hear the promises of quick fixes with pills and workout DVDs and energy drinks or anything that has the word 'Special K' on it. So how is it that we're still an obese nation?

Because of supply and demand. Watching Extreme Pigouts and even Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives, or anything with Paula Deen, one cannot deny that the deep or pan fried dish looks tasty and from what we're being told by the idiot box is extremely tasty. I won't feign disgust at the thought of deep fried mac n' cheese because I've tasted it from The Cheesecake Factory. I can't say that ice cream with brownies, cookies, nuts, and whipped cream on top doesn't appeal to me. And I certainly won't say that a big ole flavorful burrito doesn't make me drool a little. What I find to be the problem, and as Nutri-system commercials state, is that it's about portion control as much as it is about what you eat. The problem in watching Extreme Pigouts is seeing the lengths that these already-bad-for-you foods go to become a staple on the U.S. map. As the owner of Jack-n-Grill stated he always had a mindset that his stuff had to be the biggest since he was from Nevada originally and apparently there were some turf wars between the state and Texas in terms of which one really has the biggest stuff. (Just an extension of the male ego if you ask me, I mean look at how big all these new NYC condos are being built; extension of something, perhaps?)

In the words of the ladies in Gypsy "you gotta have a gimmick." And so on Extreme Pigouts places like Big Mama's and Papa's Pizzeria can't just make good pizza, but the largest pizza. A pie is 54 inches in length and width and has to be delivered in a flat bed truck. Suitable for parties yes, but what if someone just figured they could live on the food staple for a while and now has to down pound upon pound of pizza or else it's just a waste?

Places like The Chip Shop will deep fry almost anything and everything edible, except some animals I suspect. Deep fried egg, egg sandwiches, pizza, double fried donuts, twinkies, the list goes on and on. The announcer on the show said that a couple deep fried twinkies or other desserts go over the daily caloric intake of an average individual.

Ben & Jerry's in Vermont will provide you a tub of 14,000 calorie goodness with a bad ass brain freeze on the side in the form of a tub of ice cream with a brownie, three choco chip cookies, four scoops of walnuts, a ton of whipped cream, all residing on a bed of 20 scoops of ice cream that comes up halfway in the tub. On Pigouts we saw 8 teenagers take on this 8lb mass of sugar and fat, garnering about a pound per person, unless you have that greedy friend. And you know we all do.

And in the video in the link provided you see The Heart Attack Grill where patrons over 350lbs get to eat for free everyday and everyone else gets to enjoy the fry bar with a burger named after heart surgery. I won't even go into the waitresses dolled up as hotty nurses and the owner dressed up as a doctor touting a motto of prescriptions of deliciousness or whatever, even though he used to be a nutritionist and found that people were happier gorging on fat. Everything here is cooked in lard, lard people! Pure fat! As delicious as it may taste fat on fat is not cool, especially on the hips.

The gimmick is that we must be the biggest and the best because we're entitled as Americans to free speech and free reign. Yes, women fought for the right to make decisions on what happens to their bodies via Roe v. Wade. And yes, not all neighborhoods are equipped with the healthier resources we'd need to make our bodies big and strong. But proprietors of such places that go overboard in thinking they're giving you what you want need to be able to stand back from everything and say to themselves: "Hey, maybe a seven pound burrito is a bit extreme."

Of course individuals need to be responsible for what they're putting in their mouth and I wouldn't be so bold as to say go on strike from tasty treats like Krispy Kreme or Popeye's or for the love of God your local Chinese food joint. I just think that the fact that some could think that the gimmick of "bigger is better" is always a good thing think things over a bit. No one needs that much more of what we can get nearby. In New York City seeing the nutritional facts for most chain stores leaves me wondering why I'd want to Supersize anything if it meant I couldn't eat anything else for the rest of the day without seeing some nice cottage cheese thighs develop. I've backed away from Dunkin Donuts or IHOP after seeing the caloric count for foods I ate without a second thought in the past.

I was raised to eat everything on my plate and sometimes that thinking pervades still today. When going to fancier restaurants that aren't chains I look at the meat, carbs, and veg on my plate and think I won't be filled by this at all. Screw that, lemme hit up Applebee's and get the large chicken fingers and fries. But lo and behold at Bar Americain or Josephina's or Peep or Babbo I become amazed at how much my stomach contracts at my attempt to put in any more food. By Job those portions were just right and I might even have room for dessert!

Bigger does look better. Especially if it means you're getting more for your money. And hell yeah that's a great deal when in a recession! But, when looking back and thinking on how much gluttony has become a part of our culture I have to aire on the side of caution and say that when your tummy says stop, stop. And as good as that eighth piece of pizza looks or as tasty as the sound of deep fried snickers rings in your ear to try and think a bit about the gimmick and consider whether or not it's in your best interest.

I mean, doesn't this look tasty?!?

Product Review: Diva Smooth from Janelle Beauty

Today I, shockingly, only spent twelve minutes in line at the Post Office waiting to send back the Diva Smooth products I purchased a few weeks ago.

I'd heard about Janelle Beauty's Diva Smooth product after looking at the website going-natural.com. At the time, I looked a few months back, there had been an advertisement for Diva Smooth, an all-natural product that promised to get your hair straight without the pesky and harmful chemicals some women of color (like myself) may come to rely on to straighten our hair. Well, hearing about that I had to find out more because who wouldn't want to be able to switch out the regular sessions and slight burning of chemicals for something that is natural and you can do at home?

So I went to the website, looked at their description of Diva Smooth, looked at their testimonials and the common questions area, then even Googled the product to see if anyone else had written about it saying she had some positive results. You'll probably also see woman chatting about it on the Long Hair Care Forum. After that, I figured I'd take the plunge because you always have to try something to learn, no?

It took less than a week for the product to arrive and I tried it that weekend. At this point it'd been several weeks since I had my last relaxer done and I wanted to see how it'd do with my hair having been "out of it" for almost two months. I read the directions and saw I'd need an applicator brush and had to make due with what I had in the apartment.

One of the main ingredients in the Diva Smooth product is honey along with herbs and some natural fruits and stuff. The consistency is of honey as well so when you're applying it to your hair it's extremely sticky and makes it hard to effectively get it from root to tip. I'd advise you to have a Diva Smooth party so you and your friends can do each others hair because after a few you see your hair sticking on its end, yet it smells amazing! After an hour or so I got through my full head of hair, roots and all, covered my head with a cap and waited. The instructions suggest that you wait 35 minutes with the product on if you have fine hair and 45 minutes for coarser hair. I cooked dinner and after an hour I washed and conditioned my hair via my normal routine as it states in the instructions. After drying my hair I noticed no change in texture, smell, or straightness. It looked the same as before.

Irritated, but still hopeful, I used the Virgin Coconut Serum figuring perhaps this would aid in the straightening process. It's actually included because it's supposed to help repair your hair from too much heat. One of the things that Diva Smooth notes repeatedly is that you have to flat iron your hair to get it straight. Okay, fine. As I parted each piece of my hair for the flat iron I sprayed some of the Serum on, massaged it in, then flat ironed it. I must say that the Serum brought out a nice luster in my hair and again smelled fabulous. It doesn't smell so much like coconut exactly but does have a faint trace of it that lasted for five or so days.

I decided that before I gave up on the product I'd try it again and waited a week before doing so. This time I had my applicator brushes (one straight and one a-symmetrical) all ready to go. Take that!

On another Sunday I took a couple of hours to apply (from root to end) Diva Smooth to my hair. Since there'd been a nice frost during the spring in NYC the Diva Smooth product and Serum products had congealed. So, note to selves make sure to keep these things at room temperature to ensure that they remain liquified. After leaving the bottles in hot water for several minutes they became liquidy enough to come out of their nozzle and spray respectively. It took a little less time, as by now I'd become a pro at this, and I covered my hair again for about an hour to do some errands then resumed the wash & conditioning routine.

Upon drying my hair I again noticed that the texture, consistency, and smell had not changed at all. I flat ironed my hair and used the Virgin Coconut Serum to no avail. My newly shiny and tropical smelling hair went on our merry way to work.

Now, just to explain I've been having my hair chemically relaxed since I was in my senior year of high school so that's about ten years or so. My hair is not naturally straight and my roots grow out relatively fast. So I was disappointed that for me Diva Smooth did not provide any difference to what happens to me after a while of not getting my hair chemically altered. This past weekend I saw my hair dresser (who gave me a tongue lashing for waiting two months to see her) and got my hair chemically relaxed and noticed the difference. My roots were bone straight and of course my hair had a nice luster. Once the rain and wind hit it this weekend that all went to hell, but that's beside the point. Diva Smooth claims to be the natural version of chemically relaxing your hair and all I noticed was that I had struggled to put honey in my hair, washed it out, and had the same results with kinky roots that were no straighter than they were hours earlier, along with ends that weren't any straighter than they had been hours earlier either.

Many women have noted on the Diva Smooth testimonials page that this product worked well for them and that they haven't had to use a chemical relaxer for months. So perhaps Diva Smooth really does work for some and not all. Perhaps I just picked a fickle time to use it on my hair. I did want to be sure not to mix up the effects of my chemical relaxer with that of Diva Smooth and so figured that using it after six, seven weeks of no relaxer would really tell me how this product worked on its own.

I'm not trying to say do or don't use Diva Smooth. I'd definitely suggest you try it and see if it may be your miracle cure for straight hair with no more waiting in the salon and shelling out extra cash in tips to your shampoo girl and stylist. However, you may enjoy those regular trips to the salon and getting out of the house every so often.

As a precursor you may want to purchase a cute little honey squeeze bottle in the shape of a bear and comb that through your hair a couple times and see if you want to take the plunge with Diva Smooth. It'd be a good test.

Side bar, I just wanted to say that the Janelle Beauty site has two listings for the same two products in the Hair section. One is the Diva Smooth Kit for $34.99 which includes the Diva Smooth product and Virgin Coconut Hair Serum. There's another listing of the same two products at the price of $29.99. Why they'd charge customers five dollars more for the exact same products with only the word 'kit' added is beyond me.